reflection: year of the handstand

handstand, originally uploaded by AnnieLaurel.

Two months ago I participated in a yoga workshop with Mado that was dedicated to working on handstands. One of my personal goals for this year has been to work on kicking up into a handstand. Note that the goal is to do the working on, not necessarily achieving, the perfect handstand. This subtle shift in the semantics of the goal setting is actually what I think the key is to making me stick with it.

Last winter I wrote to my fellow unravellers about the fear that resides in my inability to kick up and how it trips me up emotionally. I feel so heavy and weak and as if what is holding me back is not physical strength but is rather emotional weight that I can't release, no matter how hard I try. So to sign up for a whole workshop in which I face this fear felt, well, rather daunting. What the workshop offered me was a whole bunch more tools to use to work up to kicking up, some tricks to meanwhile enjoy the benefits of a handstand without the fear rising, and the gift that comes when you share your fears with others who carry the same.

So 2010 has become the year of the handstand for me. and maybe it will be next year too. this process encompasses so much more than just being a yoga pose on which I am working. whether being supported by a bathroom doorway, walking my feet up the logs of our cabin, or being free to fall by the oceanside expanse of sand, I am showing up. over and over. and as the strength builds I feel the emotional weight slowly releasing and the effort giving way to a sense of ease. effort into ease. i like the sound of that. and I remind myself that the only way,in all of our journeys, is to keep showing up.

PS. I will return next week after LEAF with photos and tales from this wonderful multi-cultural arts and music festival just down the road.

restoration: taking a moment

childs pose, originally uploaded by AnnieLaurel.

After my hospital release last november for meningitis, the very first thing I did when I entered the house where I was to recuperate for a few days was walk over to the corner of the room and get into child's pose. no more cold, sterile linoleum- a carpet never felt so inviting. in that moment what had felt like the easiest of poses for years was painfully challenging and deeply cathartic. I knew that body was suffering and needed the deepest of restorative care.

I will never forget that child's pose because I feel like for the first time in 10 years of practicing I came to know the true essence of yoga. it has become the main thing in my life that serves as a way to check in with myself and will always meet me just where I am at on any given day. all that is required of me is that I show up and be prepared to listen. my practice guides me to where I need to go and where I need to stay.

I took this picture on timer a couple of weeks ago as a way of honor ing this pose and to serve as a reminder of how it continues to serve me. At first I was tempted to edit out the baby stroller and the dog butt, but upon second glance I liked what I saw, an image of me taking a moment for restoration amidst the swirling of my everyday life. what would your snapshot look like if you ceased the swirling around you and succumbed to a moment just with yourself and for yourself?

sweet sweet surrender.

restoration: the front porch

yoga dog, originally uploaded by AnnieLaurel.

for the next week or so my posts will be circling around restoration. as the changing of seasons is upon us, and the coming of the autumnal full moon, i am finding myself agitated by allergies and insomnia- things are all stirred up around and within. I was grateful to read an email from my acupuncturist today that states that in chinese medicine it is regarded as a time that brings up "the breath, letting go (as witnessed by the falling leaves), grief, nostalgia, and connection to Spirit." yes. yes. yes. each of those words rings truer than ever.

my front porch is the place I go to unroll the yoga mat, and restore amidst the trees. however, if I turn around for just a second this furry friend will take over my spot.